One of the more interesting people I have met as a financial writer is Farnoosh Torabi. Her books have always resonated with me, and her latest, launching May 1, 2014, is especially poignant for me. It’s called When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women.
I frequently write about the challenges of breadwinning women, since I am one myself. Farnoosh’s latest book is an interesting — and inspiring — read. (I’ll review it later this week, on its release date.) Farnoosh has provided a great post for women who make more. It’s a look at signs that your potential partner can, in fact, handle your success.
I dated enough in my 20s to distinguish between men who are quickly turned off by a woman’s success and those who are impressed and charmed. The possible signs that he isn’t into your success – career, financial or other – include passive aggressive behavior, sarcasm or criticism over how you manage your money, and acts of competitiveness. Instead be on the lookout for men who display the following gestures and attributes (and yes, these men do exist!)
He Shows Curiosity in Your Work
A man who, upon telling him what you do for a living and how much you love your job, continues to ask you more about yourself and your goals, is a man who likely isn’t intimidated by your drive or passion for work. Watch out if he constantly steers the conversation back to his ideas and opinions or goes on and on and on about his ambitions. He may be too self-absorbed to recognize and appreciate your success alongside his.
He Lets You Know He’s Thinking of You
When my husband and I first started dating – and even to this day – he would email me articles from time to time that related to my work or that he thought I’d find inspiring. I really appreciated this because it shows he’s thinking of me – even when I’m not there – and wants to see me continue to succeed.
He Likes to Treat You
Just because you make more doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be treated and catered to by your guy. A man who insists on picking up the tab from time to time or designing your next date is one who is able to see you as more than just an ambitious woman with all the answers (who might also make more than him). He understands that you’re still a woman who enjoys being showered with affection and not having to call all the shots all the time. He senses when you’ve had a hard day – and is eager to rescue you from it.
Me again. I think it’s important to note that a partnership in which a woman makes more doesn’t have to mean emasculation. As more women earn more, we have the chance to shift social norms away from connecting “manliness” with earnings. In the end, it’s about developing a strong and healthy relationship in which you are both able to pursue your individual goals, as well as your joint goals.
What do you think? Is your relationship affected by who earns more?